I live in a house run by testosterone. The common language being grunting with intermittent squealing and screaming. Then we had a daughter and I had to relearn what it was to be a "lady." I myself had only brothers,4 to be exact. Then I had three sons of my own. When I had my daughter I thought "What do I do with her,I don't know anything about girls." That's when I realized I didn't even know what it meant to be a woman or a "lady."
It's been a slow process but luckily my daughter is naturally girly. I automatically new everything would be ok when one of her first words was "shoes." More recently she has taken to non-stop talking about anything.She just babbles on,after awhile I sort of tune her out. I guess it's a built in sanity mechanism,LOL! She insist on wearing tutu's EVERYWHERE as well as jewelry....go figure. Her newest phrase is "No, I'm a Lady!"
Monday, December 27, 2010
I'm a Lady
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Life isn't always like a Box of Chocolates
Sometimes it's more like a puzzle. A highly complex puzzle only a master could figure out....*sigh*....
Sometimes there's pieces missing and it drives you nuts.Other times you unwittingly give away pieces and don't realize it until you feel the sting of reality and you are left with an unfinished puzzle. I am thankful for a forgiving and gracious God that is willing to forget the unfinished puzzle and give me a whole new puzzle free of charge.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Warning for Unsuspecting Visitors
To all my friends and family who may want to drop in and say hi consider this a warning. I have a four year old who is extremely prejudice against clothing of any kind..including underwear. His favorite daily activities is stripping down and jumping up and down in front of the open windows of our home.....*sigh*......Thank God for neighbors that put up with us.
This warning was put up due to a family member stopping by (which I love by the way) and being confronted with Troy running around in the nude. It can be a shock to those not use to it. Luckily it was a family member who was very understanding.
So.....with that being said I love having visitors,the more the merrier. At least now you all know what you're getting yourselves into,LOL!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Hitting a Rough Patch and Trying to Keep my Chin Up
The Holidays are upon us and all through Albany every creature was stirring even the scrooges.....
My Christmas Jeer ran away and took all my energy with it. This is the first Christmas that I can remember where I felt totally overwhelmed and completely zapped of energy. Our family has hit a rough patch especially my parents. Sometimes I wonder when they will ever receive a break. I am trying to keep my chin up through all this mess and for the first time in a long time I am really struggling with it. I think in reality I let it drop a few weeks ago. Every time I feel down about life's little situations I immediately feel guilty because I know somewhere out there somebody has it way worse then I. In fact I've had it harder than this. I need to kick this feeling but it's really hard this year. I think the worst part is that I want to help everybody in the worse way but I am not in a position to help everybody. It is driving me nuts. Though no one has asked me for much I still feel responsible.
My parents have been hit really hard this Christmas. I can't really say what is going on because I don't know if they want the whole world to know. I can say that they deserve so much better,so much more. They don't deserve what is happening to them right now. I met with mom yesterday and took her out for coffee. While there I asked her what the inside of the whale feels like,LOL. She laughed and agreed it was indeed a trying time,LOL. She always ends the conversation with "I am just going to wait and see what God's going to do now because it's going to be GOOD." :)
Things have been rotten,just down right rotten and I am trying my hardest not to wallow in self pitty. However it is admittedly hard right now. I cannot say everything that is going on but know that it's ridiculously rotten,lol! Not only for my parents but there are some things going on with my little family right now that ...well...are rotten. I know many people are facing hard times right now, personally,financially,emotionally and physically etc. so I am not alone in my endevours. Well. really I never was alone:)
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The reason it's called a Spectrum Disorder
The Autism Spectrum Disorder is thus called because it has a spectrum of symptoms. There is no one set way that it presents itself.Even the variables within the symptoms themselves can vary from child to child. The reason I am even bringing it up is because all to often I am told things like "Well my friend so and so has an autistic son and I have no problem with him." This is usually told to me when I am adamant about not coming to a family event or bringing Troy to a family event.
It is hard for me to explain without completely sounding like a jackass...pardon the French,but I'll try. Not every child with this disorder are the same. Aspergers is part of the Autism Spectrum, it is the highest functioning form of Autism. My oldest son Paul has Aspergers and Gabriel is suspected of having this as well. Then there is the PDD (Persuasive Developmental Disorder),Rhett Syndrome,CDD (Childhood Disintegrative Disorder) and finally Autistic disorder otherwise known as "classic Autism," or "severe autism." Troy falls into the Autistic disorder category.
A typical Day with Troy
Troy generally wakes with a smile but as soon as he is spoken to or touched (this includes greetings such as "good morning" and a hug) he screams. I put on cartoons while I make breakfast, generally he is quiet during this time with an occasionally scream of joy.However he has to move constantly. He jumps on the couch while waving his hands in his face as if he were watching tracers or something. When breakfast is done I place it on the table. I never say anything directly to him because he will scream so I have learned to just place the food on the table and let him find it.After breakfast it's time to get dressed because usually by this time he is naked except for a diaper that he has had to wear overnight. Dressing has become easy with him it's the keeping the clothes on part that has become an issue. Once the clothes are on he usually motions to watch a movie or continues to watch some cartoons. Well he doesn't really "watch" them but he seems to like having the noise. Usually he likes to color,play with stickers or paint but of course he doesn't like to play with them properly. When I try to redirect him from painting on our walls he screams,hits himself on the head and stomach and when I say "hit" I mean he hits hard. Then he'll throw himself on the floor and scream. Usually with his meltdowns I have to place him in his room otherwise the meltdown will last really long. During a meltdown there is nothing you can do. You speak to them they scream louder,you discipline them they put a hole in the wall or inflict self injury by biting themselves or hitting themselves. Troy has at least 20 meltdowns a day the average is probably more like 40-50. The meltdowns can last anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour.In Troys case the average is about 5 minutes but then there is only like 5-10 minutes in between each meltdown.
During lunch it's the same routine as breakfast in that I place his food on the table and say nothing. On Tuesday through Thursday he has school (Early Intervention Program) so lunch is early and then I get him ready for the bus. While he waits for the bus by the window he usually stands and rocks constantly while twirling his hands in front of his face. He does say a few words now and one of them is "bus." So for about 15 minutes before the bus comes all I here is "bus" over and over again. I get him on the bus that has specialized built in child restraint seats. I buckle him in and tell him I love him and by. Sometimes he says "by" as well but more often than not he just smiles at me. He is gone from 12pm to 4 pm. During that time he goes through rigorous schooling including sensory and speech work as well as physical therapy for a slight delay in coordination. While he's gone I should be cleaning but I usually take Emma to my parents house and hang out just so I can get out of the house.
When Troy get's home he's usually pretty excited and before he's even off the bus he's screaming out of excitement. On the walk back to the house (short walk) he likes to play "chase and tickle" he chases me and try's to tickle me,he thinks it's hilarious. Usually my other boys get home from school about half an hour before Troy. The dynamic between the boys is hot and cold. So what usually happens when Troy steps foot in the house is a huge ruckus. Gabriel,my highest functioning son.does not get along with the other two boys. He struggles with understanding why they behave the way they do and usually takes their behavior as them being mean to him and picking on him. In reality though it's him that is generally mean to the other boy's though he doesn't really realize it...if that makes sense at all.
Dinner is the same routine as breakfast and Lunch.Place the food on the table without a peep. However Paul or Gabe usually yells at Troy while at the table because of one thing or another so dinner can be a very tiresome event.
Now in the event that I have to take Troy into public with me I try to make the trip as brief as possible. Troy cannot handle crowds larger than 10 very well. When entering a store or restaurant or even or church it overwhelms him. It flat out scares him. HE then begins to panic...screaming,hitting himself and myself(Laszlo if he is there)kicking,biting,scratching and of course the ever popular crying. Not to mention the general public acts as though I just have a spoiled brat that I'm dragging around. It's always a joy having a stranger tell you how you should raise your child in the 5 seconds they have known you.
BEDTIME.............screaming,crying,hitting,slamming the doors into the walls and making holes. Kicking the walls,throwing toys,throwing blankets and pillow in the hallway etc etc etc.
Disclaimer: These are just examples. In my case, though I have three on the spectrum I consider myself lucky as there are some parents out there who's children are far worse off then mine as far as symptoms go. Having to wear specialized helmets,belts,vest and in some cases wheel chairs. I am lucky that my boys can feed themselves and are all potty trained now. To whoever reads this I really encourage you to watch some videos of children with autism. I know that sounds like an odd request but it is really an eye opener. I will try to post one on here.
Monday, December 6, 2010
In the Magical Land of Backyard
Introduction
In a tiny little village called Albany tucked away between the not so magical Chinese restaurant and the evil (addictive) Home Depot lays a little cottage called "The Novak Residence." The Novak's are a jolly bunch often breaking into song and dance for no reason at all. If you ever get caught watching a Novak sing though,they'll make nary a peep more and turn a rather festive shade of red. They are so busy singing and dancing that sometimes they don't even notice whats going on right under their rather large noses. Right behind the Novak's residence lay a magical land known as "Backyard." The people of backyard, "the Snipes," are elusive and impossible to see for the adult Novak however the little Novakians see "the Snipes" of backyard quite often and even play games with them.
There are different classifications of Snipes however,you see. The Snipes by the stacked firewood are mean and tend to be "biters." The Snipes on the back steps are friendly enough but a bit gruff, they are the diggers of the bunch.Finally the group of Snipes that is the friendliest live in the attic of the shop in the magical Land of Backyard. They are very similar to the Novak's themselves.A very jolly bunch themselves, often celebrating the simplest of things like finding a lost pencil for instance.
PART 1
To be continued.............................
Saturday, October 30, 2010
I'm Tired
Of being lied to. If you would just be honest than we could both figure this mess out and move forward. Suck it up and tell the truth!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sure......Why Not
Last week~
Papa left for Hungary. We think he may be moving there.
I started painting some mural type stuff for a local church's harvest party.
Started an elimination diet. So far so good despite one little accident.
This week~
Had parent teacher conferences with Gabe's teacher, it went well.
Started painting at another church for their "Light in the Night" party.
Hoping to finish up at the first church.
Sending out invites for a Scentsy party.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Is Perfection Really Perfect?
Lately I have ran into,read about and heard from mothers that only strive for perfection at the expense of everyone around them. There seems to be this trend as of late, well rather a "re-birth" of the idea that mothers are superhero's and should perform as such all the while putting down in any shape or form mothers around them that seem to fall short of their ideals. Now I haven't been at the wrong end of the stick yet in this scenario ..yet. I by no means try to build myself up in front of people or put others down for their parenting skills. Although I am in a very humbling situation with my kids so I am not sure where I would be if things where different. I guess in a way I am very thankful for the situation God has put me in, it's a great mind opener. Anyways, I generally try to avoid the subject as much as possible for the mere fact that I have ran into several women who either have a fascination with "one-upping" or who think they need to explain everything they do to me as if I'm going to severely punish them if they aren't clear on their motives. I'm not God I don't need to know why you do what you do. I don't care how you parent your kids unless you're abusive then I care,I very much care.
I have heard time and time again women saying that it is so hard to make new friends once you are a mother. I really think that is due to two different things. I think one, women who are perfectionist mothers and expect the same from others no matter. Then two, their are the mothers that have been so crushed by the feeling of falling short they begin to avoid human contact all together.
I believe it is time that we quit imposing our own ideals on those around us (specifically mothers to mothers). Try to come to your friendships as just a woman first. It's true that being a mother is a defining mark on a woman but it doesn't have to be your whole identity. I am not saying to not talk about your children or to avoid the subject all together but what I am saying is that obviously some women need to connect on different levels first before they can include the ever loved "I have kids" conversation.
All in all: Remember,no one is perfect...no one. Also.......We are simply called to love one another. What we are not called to do is "Love one another under our own stipulations." We are simply called to love one another. Try it sometime,make a friend and make it your mission first and foremost to love that person. Tell yourself God loves them,I love them. It brings a whole new perspective to things,though perhaps simple sounding,it will have a huge impact in your life and lives of those around you.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Truth about Grace
Grace IS NOT here for us to sin.It is here for us when we fall. With that being said, do not live under the impression that you can seek out sin because in the end Grace will cover you that IS NOT how it works.
....meh'...........Just a little food for thought....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Todays Pics
579 GBP - farfetch.com
Long sleeve coat »
Thursday, October 14, 2010
So I made B n'E this morning (Bacon and eggs..not breaking and entering...come on people'!) and in the middle of breakfast I realize Gabe (who already ate) is still waiting for his bus. I call transportation and am told the weirdest shenanigans. They said that it was a sub bus driver and that she was trying not to be there early and that I should have had him out by 8:19 to which I replied."I had him out exactly by 8:19." There answer was slightly defensive...."Well do you want me to check the bus's gps?" I should have said yes. But I guess what I find the weirdest is that his bus is suppose to be here at 8:30 so we were originally told to have him out 5 minutes early...so 8:25. I had him out at 8:19 exactly so extra early by their standards yet I was told "the sub bus driver "was not" trying to be here early. So I guess my question is this "If she wasn't on time nor was she late then she had to be early,am I right?" Transportation can be so weird sometimes.
Anyways,I had to wake M up,got her and Troy ready in under 5,new record I think! Slapped a frosted cookie in each kid's hand and we all got in the van and drove Gabby to school. When we got there all the bus's were lined up out front. Come to find out all the kids were practicing bus safety that day. Well visitor parking is right next to these bus's. I found a place to park were I would be able to get out quick if I needed. Well wouldn't you know it another bus pulled in behind me. Well Gabe went and got on one of the bus's as instructed by his teacher who was out front...she is a real sweetheart by the way.
So back to the parking situation, with mission impossible like skill I maneuvered myself out of the spot and because I live dangerously I exited out of an enter only area........I like to live on the edge sometimes.
When I got home I ate a couple Halloween themed frosted cookies and that's when I realized I just ate the oddest breakfast ever. Bacon and cookies, I didn't even get to my eggs and I'm not into cold scrambled eggs. Oh, and a cup of peppermint mocha flavored Joe.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Tug O' War
Not much to report...
I am feeling a little more pressured lately by my kids schools. They have all these fundraisers going on,book orders and fairs,pictures,homework and field trips. Not to mention all three boys go to different schools and they each have their own things going on...it's just been a little nuts lately. We haven't really participated in much but the pressure is still there. I mean even the fact that Gabe has pictures tomorrow and I am not sure if I have the funds for it, is just driving me batty...ugghhhh.................
I think I am just still recovering over all that's happened in the last couple of weeks. I'm still struggling with fatigue but it's slowly getting better.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Little Monsters and Cleaning Fairies
I have 4 little monsters that live in my house. They are not your typical monsters. They are in fact rather lovable,snuggly and giggly. However if one thing is misplaced or one thing forgotten,unsaid,not finished etc. they turn green and play dirty...boy I hate grass stains(after thought.). For example.. The last three days I have managed to keep our home sparkling clean,in fact I probably could have eaten off the floors but I think that's the last bad habit I want my little monsters to pick up on. Well today I took a break to play on the net...for about 1.5 hours. I was happily checking my Facebook,email,news,blog and Polyvore when I realized I hadn't even bothered to look away from the monitor for about 30 minutes. Now the little monsters had been watching the discovery channel and playing during this time so I assumed all was well but I was dead wrong. I forgot the crucial process of checking on them every 5 seconds. I boldly and bravely steered my gaze towards my living room. OH THE HORROR!!!!!! The little monsters had turned green and got into the pantry. There was mini marshmallows everywhere and a package of Peach flavored Jello with a corner ripped out with a light dusting on the floor and counter top. The little monsters also pulled out all the pillows from their bedroom and several toys( which are meant to stay in the game room). The pile of laundry from last night is strewn about and I am for sure and certain that at least a few pairs of underwear are encrusted with peach Jello and sticky marshmallows. DO I DARE GO INTO THE BATHROOM!? AHHHHHHH! There is quite possibly a whole roll of toilet paper shredded and tossed about the bathroom floor.....ON TO THE BEDROOMS. PHEWWW*sigh of relief*.....My bedroom is untouched.......EEEEKKKK But the boy's bedroom is trashed. Troy monster took an old math homeschooling book and pulled out every single page and crumpled them and threw them about. Then,if I am not mistaken, I smelled the distinct ewwww deux toilet of urine. So much for the clean pile of clothes from yesterday...yep...he done peed on em'. Why,you ask? I have no clue.....
Now I am not kidding when I say this happened in approx.30-40 minutes. So I've been trying to phone those bloody cleaning fairies and I kept getting an answering service...I think..I don't know,I don't speak fairy. :(
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Todays Pics
1,225 GBP - brownsfashion.com
Brown handbag »
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Thinking of the Future
When you are told that your child has a disability,when you are told they have autism it feel's as though someone has died.Like the death of a loved one has occurred.
I often wonder what the future holds for my children. They are beautiful in so many ways. I realize I am their mother so I may be a bit biased but in all reality they really are a light in my life and just genuinely beautiful kids. That's the thing about autism though.....kids that struggle with it appear normal physically.They do not have obvious physical anomalies like a child with down's. This is also why many mistake them for "brats" and such. Anyways...I digress...
What I was getting at is that when I think about their futures I often wonder what their lives will be like. I get the sneaky suspicion that Paul and Gabriel may lead fairly normal lives. I think I worry about Troy's future the most. I wonder if he will ever obtain a drivers license, if he'll ever be able to live on his own,make friends, keep a job,have a girlfriend,get married or feel the warmth of a wife? And many other things. I worry that if he is not healed that the idea of institutionalizing him may become a reality as he becomes an adult. I don't know that I could do that to him or me. The thought of it even makes me feel ill.
Sometimes I wish I could just stuff even the thought of the future away but I know it's something I have to prepare for now. I know there are people,friends and family out there that care but at this point I feel very alone. I get many offers of help but rarely...RARELY does anyone follow through. Not many can handle my kids or they think they know better than I do. I have a husband that works two jobs and when he does actually see the kids he can't handle them either. my parents and my in-laws are absolutely worn out because there the only ones willing to help but the kids are even hard for them to handle. I don't want my kids and I to be a burden but that's exactly what it feels like. I am not a quitter by any means,not at all but sometimes the weight of it all is so heavy.
