Thinking of the Future

When you are told that your child has a disability,when you are told they have autism it feel's as though someone has died.Like the death of a loved one has occurred.

I often wonder what the future holds for my children. They are beautiful in so many ways. I realize I am their mother so I may be a bit biased but in all reality they really are a light in my life and just genuinely beautiful kids. That's the thing about autism though.....kids that struggle with it appear normal physically.They do not have obvious physical anomalies like a child with down's. This is also why many mistake them for "brats" and such. Anyways...I digress...

What I was getting at is that when I think about their futures I often wonder what their lives will be like. I get the sneaky suspicion that Paul and Gabriel may lead fairly normal lives. I think I worry about Troy's future the most. I wonder if he will ever obtain a drivers license, if he'll ever be able to live on his own,make friends, keep a job,have a girlfriend,get married or feel the warmth of a wife? And many other things. I worry that if he is not healed that the idea of institutionalizing him may become a reality as he becomes an adult. I don't know that I could do that to him or me. The thought of it even makes me feel ill.

Sometimes I wish I could just stuff even the thought of the future away but I know it's something I have to prepare for now. I know there are people,friends and family out there that care but at this point I feel very alone. I get many offers of help but rarely...RARELY does anyone follow through. Not many can handle my kids or they think they know better than I do. I have a husband that works two jobs and when he does actually see the kids he can't handle them either. my parents and my in-laws are absolutely worn out because there the only ones willing to help but the kids are even hard for them to handle. I don't want my kids and I to be a burden but that's exactly what it feels like. I am not a quitter by any means,not at all but sometimes the weight of it all is so heavy.