WARNING! BLOG WILL BE MOVING~

I will be closing this blog down and moving it elsewhere. I'll let you all know the new address as soon as I get things set up. :)

OKAY! HERE IS THE LINK!~
http://crackersandapples.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/hello-world/

Day Three

                         Day 3

  I have been lost in this vast wilderness known as "home" for three days now. What year is it!? My van is still broke and I am mechanically challenged so until help arrives I will have to make due with what I have. I have built a "fort" in my bedroom so I have shelter. When Laz came home from his last trip into the wilderness(work) he brought electric heaters with him so I have warmth. Food has been scarce but I found a regular hunting ground that looks promising for future trips (kitchen.) The natives don't seem dangerous but they scream a lot and the smallest ,a female, seems very clingy. My communication attempts with the natives have failed over these last few days as they will not do anything I ask of them and at times become quite belligerent. For now I am giving them their space while I try to fish for food in a frozen lake at the outskirts of a chilly field I call "laundry room." According to my latest phone transmissions I have access to Laszlo's car,he left me a spare key on my key chain. However I have a dilemma, the chief of the natives,Paul, has informed me that I must take him and his brothers and sister with me if I want to make it out of here alive. But of-course that means I will eventually need to bring them home.......

SHOCKING

 As many of you know I suffer from frequent debilitating headaches.Well today I inadvertantly found a cure......Shocking yourself with a screwed up wall plug in,LOL! My head was pounding,the kids had written all over my freshly painted walls with wood putty and spackle. I was thouroghly irritated,my head was pounding and my BP was spiking. I saw that the kids had also plugged all the electronic devices they could find into two wall sockets in one room. I began unplugging them all when one got kinda stuck. I yanked it out in time to feel that ever familiar sensation of shock running up my arm. I let it go and moved about my business when moments later I realized my headache was completely gone......Shocking,I know. :)

Let me make this Perfectly Clear

  I am only one human being. If I can't cater to your every need in every single way maybe it's because I'm dealing with my children's need's first. Just because I am not meeting your needs doesn't mean I don't care it simply means I don't have time left in my schedule for you,sorry. If I forget something that you asked of me it's probably because I was BUSY. If I forget something do me a favor and don't rake me over the coals, I most likely have already dealt with 15 meltdowns by mid morning..I don't need another meltdown to deal with from you. Quite frankly my children and my sanity are more important than you.

If Only

  I am having a horrible day...BOO- HISS! I woke up with a horrible tooth ache. TO be clear I do brush 2-3 times a day,2 minutes at a time and I floss and rinse once a day everyday. Now that I have that cleared up I have to admit that I have had horrible teeth since I got my first tooth. For most of my life I've been told by multiple dentist and hygienist that I need to brush more,longer,that I need to floss more regularly etc etc etc. I finally went to a dentist just over three years ago that said let's look into your issues more deeply. They looked for "bugs"...ie; gingivitis etc. and found nothing,no joke. In fact I was told I have very healthy gums. When those came back clear they started to look at my enamel and found that it was not normal. I wasn't insured long enough to get a formal diagnosis but the dentist at the time told me that he strongly believes that for whatever reason my enamel never formed correctly. According to him it started when I was growing in my mothers womb....interesting. I guess that my enamel is very thick in some areas and very thin in others and a few teeth have next to no enamel on them at all.

  My biggest nightmare,quite litterly, my whole life was having all my teeth fall out. I never had much in the way of self esteem issues until I had kids and my tooth decay accelerated something crazy. It's like watching my worst nightmares come to life before my eyes and there is nothing I can do about it. Not to mention when people hear about what is going on with me they automatically ask "Why don't you go get them fixed?" TO which I respond, "If I had 5-10 grand I would go get them fixed." Dentist don't take payments anymore and the insurance in our area has not been the best but I recently found one that may work out. I am so sad today, all I ever wanted was to have a nice smile. I want to be able to actually show teeth in pictures. I want to be able to tell people"sure" when asked to give a big smile for pictures.

  After having children my body changed just like many other women's bodies do. I took the change in stride and rather enjoy where I am at physically. The only thing that has forever bugged me are my teeth. I feel like if I could just have a pretty smile it would change so many things for me,maybe I'm wrong to feel that way but I can't help it.

  All of that aside I now have no insurance though I am now looking into getting some, I have no money till payday and my husband had to use my vehicle for work today. Not to mention I am behind on some artwork. No beuno. Troy has been having meltdown after meltdown for the last two weeks. I am shot, I don't know how much more I can take, seriously........ughhhhh.

Reality's a Wormhole

Struggling today. I have so much to be thankful for but at times I have a hard time fighting off the feeling of loneliness.

Emma-isms

       Actual word                              Emma-ism

• Muffin                                    Muppin
• Car                                        Tar
• Cookie                                   Tookie
  
  The following words cannot be repeated due to the fact that when she says them they come out as swear words.
• Kitty
• Frog
• shirt
• fort

UPDATE

So much has happened since I last posted that I automatically want to give up writing it out for you right now. I am just that lazy. However, I will atleast give you an outline.

• Had a meeting with district officials,teachers, therapist etc. about Troy's school placement next year. It was decided that he would be going to Waverly Elementary. 
• Troy's communication skills are growing and he is now asking us questions!
• Gabriel had his last track meet and placed second in the 400 meters.
• Emma had a doctors appointment and it was determined she had a sinus infection and a slight case of eczema. 
• Laz was gone for a week on a business trip to the LA area.
• I had two art shows in the last two weeks.
• While at my first art show I suddenly decided to head over to the piercing salon. I got my nose pierced.
  
  
  I just remembered I have an appointment for Troy today I will finish this up laterz.....lol
  
• I'm back!
• Troy had an appointment with an audiologist today. It went very well.
• Oh! I joined a Bible study.........and I rarely go....Boooooooo!
• I sold some artwork and I got a couple commissioned pieces going.
• Tried to get a dog.......LONG story.
• Finished a few pieces,will post them soon.

One more Question

   My husband,God bless him, seems to think that grocery shopping equates to a night out on the town. I am not even joking. Though it may sound like he's being a jerk he honestly is not trying to be. In his mind getting out of the house is "going out." Explaining to him that picking out a turkey is not the same thing as bowling a turkey is getting a bit tedious.  I love him to bits but I think I'm going to have to start taking him grocery shopping with me,LOL! Maybe I should just turn grocery shopping into a sport and then we'll be equal in our assumptions. I could still bowl a turkey down aisle 4 but I'm not sure if Safeway would like that very much. Laz and I could play H.O.R.S.E. with the ice cream and cart. We could have go kart races with the rascals.....

The Secret of Being Me

  Ever get that feeling that there is something wrong with you? Meh',maybe it's just me. I can't tell you how many times I've introduced myself to someone  (around the Albany area) and had them sneer at me. Maybe it's how I was raised but in general I thought you were suppose to be polite to people ,let alone someone that approaches you and says's "Hi,my name is so and so,nice to meet you." I mean, is it really that hard to be polite,takes like 5 seconds to say, "nice to meet you too."

  I've had it happen so many times now that I am beginning to wonder if perhaps I have something wrong with me that my family has kept from me my whole life in order to save my feelings. Could just be paranoia but really? I mean are their really that many rude people in and around Albany? In general the ones I have run into are older adults as well,GAG! You're not teenagers anymore people,time to drop the act!

Maybe I should just make a public announcement about the effectiveness of polite conversation between strangers...........Oh bother..............

The Tail of a Neurotic Cat named Licorice

One of my parents cats,Licorice, patiently waits by the front door of their home everyday. Surely waiting for food or her owners to get home right? No....She's waiting for my Dad to use his lazer pointer. It's gotten to the point that I have caught this poor cat with her nose right in the corner by the door as if she was some kind of German pointer. She was so still she could have been confused for one of those scrubbers that you use to clean your boots off after you come inside from the rain and mud.The worst was when she starting chasing the lazer pointer that wasn't there. Is it possible to drive a cat insane I wonder?

The Novak Boys

I have decided to participate in an event in honor of my children and all those that are affected by autism. This event is a walk-a-thon and it's done through autism speaks which is sponsored by "Toys R' Us" and "Babies R' Us." It's not until August but I am trying to raise money for the cause until then. I have set a goal of 500$.


Here is a link to my boys autism speaks page: http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/portland/brittanynovak


You can donate here and you can also sign up to do a walk in your area if you felt led as well! :)

Should I Stay or Should I go Now

My son Troy came home from school yesterday in what seemed to be a fog. He had a fever and the bus driver said he actually fell asleep at school and slept all the way home (13 miles). When I got him inside he fell back asleep on the couch and didn't move until about 7 in the evening when he got up to run to the bathroom. He almost made it :( He threw up right in front of the toilet,poor kid. He threw up one more time last night and then he was able to keep some children's Advil down. After he took the medicine he seemed to perk up a bit. Even this morning he was back to his normal bubbly self. However at around 12 he used the bathroom and then said "bath please." That's code for "I made a present in the toilet please flush it and give me a bath." He played for a bit and then got out by himself and sat by his brothers while they watched "River Monsters" on TV.  This was while I was making lunch (taco salad). Towards the end of cooking I noticed the house was really quiet. I thought Troy must have fallen asleep on my bed.When I checked he wasn't there so I looked in his room and sure enough he was asleep on his bed or so I thought. I reached over to feel his head (which was fairly warm). Apparently just that gentle touch was enough to wake him or he wasn't totally asleep yet. Anyways he came out from his room and laid on the couch and has been asleep there ever since. This is not like him at all. The last time he had the flu he would throw up and then run around and yell  and bounce on his bed etc. Whatever this is has him knocked down for the count. If it doesn't let up by the evening I'll be taking him to see a doctor or emergency room if it get's any worse. I know it sounds funny but something just doesn't feel right about this. My mommy intuition is tingling so to speak.

Aches and Pains and Exhaustion....OH MY!

  I'm going on a week now of almost no sleep. Every night I've been kept up by this post nasal drip garbage. This morning I was awoken by 4 little monsters...Ok I was tired and my vision was a bit blurry. Turns out it was my kids. Anyhow, my little monsters.....I mean kids woke me at about 6:30.All four of them sounded congested and number's one and two have a fairly bad headache. The decision to keep them home was finalized through a committee meeting between Laz and I all in about 5 seconds. So we are all home today,chillin',watchin' some movies,well atleast the kids are. I on the other hand am going to work out and then take a nap :)

Eyeballing my Food

  Well I fell off the diet roller coaster today but oddly enough I don't feel to bad about it. I fell off yesterday too but not in a big way,I ate a handful of cereal. Today,however, I had a doughnut (CARB CRAVING!). Really, I don't feel to bad about it. Not that I want to repeat it but I know that I can continue on the diet because I don't feel like a complete failure for slipping up once or twice. To tell the truth I started exercising and cut out a lot of carbs long before I started this diet and I keep forgetting to factor that in. Just cutting carbs and quitting soda has got me down two dress sizes alone. So hopefully I won't slip up too much more but overall I feel very confident about this process. I know that it'll be a two steps forward one step back kind of deal so back to moving forward now.

  Random Thought: I read an article yesterday that stated drastic dieting can lead to feelings of anger and even rage. "LIGHT BULB".....Now I get it! I've been a tad snappy lately! :)

How to Kill a Diet

I must admit that I am indeed a fan of criticism IF done in a constructive and graceful manner. HOWEVER.....I am not a fan of constant negative criticism,it get's old real fast. I am also not a fan of being compared to other women,particularly other mothers. The worst of the worst is when these two negatives are combined it makes me want to go a few rounds in the octagon.

 There is a certain someone in my life right now that seems to have a penchant for wanting to hit the mat with an angry mother. They consistently practice negative criticism towards me and most of the time couple that with comparing me to other mothers in our group of friends. Maybe it's hormones or maybe I'm finally coming out of my fog long enough to think straight but whatever it is I am getting beyond annoyed with this individual. In the last couple of days I have been so stressed that I actually spoke.....spoke up that is. A little background: I am the type of person who always keeps my cool,finds it very easy to forgive.Just all around passive I would say. As wonderful as that all sounds I also have a bad habit of just taking whatever comes to me. I am a firm believer that when you have kids you should have your tiffs behind closed doors. But the closed doors thing doesn't happen around here a lot so I get treated like junk( from not just one person in particular but from a couple) then I am left with no way to resolve the issue. Anyways..I digress. I guess that I am finally over the "bottling it up" shenanigans and I am about to blow. I am seriously feeling angry,very angry these last couple of days. I have said things that I wouldn't have normally said.

  I try not to use our children as an excuse but the fact is that three of our kids are disabled,two mildly. That in and of itself makes life quite different than the average family situation. I guess you could say an "interesting family dynamic." I accepted my children's situation in order to move forward and get them help and most of all because I love them. Having multiple kids with autism makes it very hard to parent in what most would call a "normal way." I guess what I am getting at is that my life and the way I work and raise my children is very different because they,my kiddo's, require more work and patience than the average child. Therefore I don't have the time needed to make the everyday things that people take for granted "perfect."

   In the end I feel that certain people forget what my life is or may be like and assume that I am doing everything all wrong because I don't do what every other mother or wife does so they are very critical of me. Frankly I am tired of explaining to these certain few.I am done. I am doing the best I can with what I have and with the blessings I've received. Frankly....my children are not a problem.The problem lies with those that can't seem to wrap their mind around our situation.

I should really take up kick boxing or something..I need to get this out of my system. I am really hoping this feeling blows over,I don't like feeling angry.

AHHHHHHHHHH! Real Housewives!

  I want to rip my hair out,scream,punch an unlucky person in the face and then maybe follow all that up with a cold shower. I have been prepping and painting for about 1.5-2 weeks now. I am finally making some progress today and am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am down to the little details now like molding. The kids have done really well despite the chaos, that is until .....today.

  We moved our big screen into our bedroom and put it up on the wall so that I didn't have to "paint around" it. So our bedroom has been the designated hangout spot for the kids and their games and movies. For those of you that are cringing when you read that last part it's okay I packed all the breakables away. What I was not expecting was half eaten strawberries all over our nice new clean laundry and sheets. Apparently  while I was painting M was stealing "strawbee's" as she call's them, out of the fridge. To top it off I had just gotten Troy ready for school when he decided he wanted to go outside and jump on the trampoline...which is wet. Oh,and the yard is muddy. Needless to say I had to change him really quick then pick up all the strawberries with M's help of course. Then pull out all the clothes that got murdered and wash them right away. To top of this wonderful morning I was able to start putting the furniture back in place in the living room. While I was pulling the cover off the couch I gazed upon some of Troy's artwork in pen and ink nonetheless. It appears to be impressionistic in style.I see some stairs and a pair of large eyeballs. So,we are waiting for Troy's bus now.When he goes to school I have to pull off the couch cushion covers and wash those then I have to shower and get M and I ready to go pick up Grammy and go to the grocery store,home depot and maybe the mall too. Then back home just in time for the boys to get back from school and to make dinner and then paint again until the wee hours of the morning.

  I am so ready for my little project to be done,I am going nuts.

 

RUCHE into Spring

Open publication - Free publishing - More catalog

Belated Updates

 

  It's true I have been somewhat negligent when it has come to updating my blog.Truth be told I have indeed had some extra time to myself lately though I've just wanted to spend it reading. There's not a lot of new things to report. I have been trying to get things together for Troy's SS appointment but have had to reschedule twice now and I am going to have to reschedule again this Monday, I am just not ready.:( I also joined a new Bible Study,we met for the first time last night and I cried in front of everyone while I talked about my children. It was very surreal as I never cry. It's not that I am embarrassed of it, it's just not something I do. I just don't get emotional. So I was a little freaked that I started crying,again very surreal. All in all an awesome group of ladies and looking like a great Bible study. I think we will see a lot of good things come from it!

   The only other thing I can think of is that Gabriel started track this last week. So far he is ok with it but he is having a hard time with separation anxiety. He wants me to follow him around the field while he goes from event to event. Other than that he's making friends and enjoying it all with the exception of the high jump which also happens to be what he's best at,LOL! Silly kid! So other than those things,nothing much new has happened. Just the same ol' routine.

I guess it's Ok

 The issue: Trying to stay in touch with friends on FB and have them repeatedly ignore you. You still love them but at what point do you quit trying?

Do you continue to get ignored or do you delete and move on?