WARNING! BLOG WILL BE MOVING~

I will be closing this blog down and moving it elsewhere. I'll let you all know the new address as soon as I get things set up. :)

OKAY! HERE IS THE LINK!~
http://crackersandapples.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/hello-world/

Day Three

                         Day 3

  I have been lost in this vast wilderness known as "home" for three days now. What year is it!? My van is still broke and I am mechanically challenged so until help arrives I will have to make due with what I have. I have built a "fort" in my bedroom so I have shelter. When Laz came home from his last trip into the wilderness(work) he brought electric heaters with him so I have warmth. Food has been scarce but I found a regular hunting ground that looks promising for future trips (kitchen.) The natives don't seem dangerous but they scream a lot and the smallest ,a female, seems very clingy. My communication attempts with the natives have failed over these last few days as they will not do anything I ask of them and at times become quite belligerent. For now I am giving them their space while I try to fish for food in a frozen lake at the outskirts of a chilly field I call "laundry room." According to my latest phone transmissions I have access to Laszlo's car,he left me a spare key on my key chain. However I have a dilemma, the chief of the natives,Paul, has informed me that I must take him and his brothers and sister with me if I want to make it out of here alive. But of-course that means I will eventually need to bring them home.......

SHOCKING

 As many of you know I suffer from frequent debilitating headaches.Well today I inadvertantly found a cure......Shocking yourself with a screwed up wall plug in,LOL! My head was pounding,the kids had written all over my freshly painted walls with wood putty and spackle. I was thouroghly irritated,my head was pounding and my BP was spiking. I saw that the kids had also plugged all the electronic devices they could find into two wall sockets in one room. I began unplugging them all when one got kinda stuck. I yanked it out in time to feel that ever familiar sensation of shock running up my arm. I let it go and moved about my business when moments later I realized my headache was completely gone......Shocking,I know. :)

Let me make this Perfectly Clear

  I am only one human being. If I can't cater to your every need in every single way maybe it's because I'm dealing with my children's need's first. Just because I am not meeting your needs doesn't mean I don't care it simply means I don't have time left in my schedule for you,sorry. If I forget something that you asked of me it's probably because I was BUSY. If I forget something do me a favor and don't rake me over the coals, I most likely have already dealt with 15 meltdowns by mid morning..I don't need another meltdown to deal with from you. Quite frankly my children and my sanity are more important than you.

If Only

  I am having a horrible day...BOO- HISS! I woke up with a horrible tooth ache. TO be clear I do brush 2-3 times a day,2 minutes at a time and I floss and rinse once a day everyday. Now that I have that cleared up I have to admit that I have had horrible teeth since I got my first tooth. For most of my life I've been told by multiple dentist and hygienist that I need to brush more,longer,that I need to floss more regularly etc etc etc. I finally went to a dentist just over three years ago that said let's look into your issues more deeply. They looked for "bugs"...ie; gingivitis etc. and found nothing,no joke. In fact I was told I have very healthy gums. When those came back clear they started to look at my enamel and found that it was not normal. I wasn't insured long enough to get a formal diagnosis but the dentist at the time told me that he strongly believes that for whatever reason my enamel never formed correctly. According to him it started when I was growing in my mothers womb....interesting. I guess that my enamel is very thick in some areas and very thin in others and a few teeth have next to no enamel on them at all.

  My biggest nightmare,quite litterly, my whole life was having all my teeth fall out. I never had much in the way of self esteem issues until I had kids and my tooth decay accelerated something crazy. It's like watching my worst nightmares come to life before my eyes and there is nothing I can do about it. Not to mention when people hear about what is going on with me they automatically ask "Why don't you go get them fixed?" TO which I respond, "If I had 5-10 grand I would go get them fixed." Dentist don't take payments anymore and the insurance in our area has not been the best but I recently found one that may work out. I am so sad today, all I ever wanted was to have a nice smile. I want to be able to actually show teeth in pictures. I want to be able to tell people"sure" when asked to give a big smile for pictures.

  After having children my body changed just like many other women's bodies do. I took the change in stride and rather enjoy where I am at physically. The only thing that has forever bugged me are my teeth. I feel like if I could just have a pretty smile it would change so many things for me,maybe I'm wrong to feel that way but I can't help it.

  All of that aside I now have no insurance though I am now looking into getting some, I have no money till payday and my husband had to use my vehicle for work today. Not to mention I am behind on some artwork. No beuno. Troy has been having meltdown after meltdown for the last two weeks. I am shot, I don't know how much more I can take, seriously........ughhhhh.

Reality's a Wormhole

Struggling today. I have so much to be thankful for but at times I have a hard time fighting off the feeling of loneliness.

Emma-isms

       Actual word                              Emma-ism

• Muffin                                    Muppin
• Car                                        Tar
• Cookie                                   Tookie
  
  The following words cannot be repeated due to the fact that when she says them they come out as swear words.
• Kitty
• Frog
• shirt
• fort

UPDATE

So much has happened since I last posted that I automatically want to give up writing it out for you right now. I am just that lazy. However, I will atleast give you an outline.

• Had a meeting with district officials,teachers, therapist etc. about Troy's school placement next year. It was decided that he would be going to Waverly Elementary. 
• Troy's communication skills are growing and he is now asking us questions!
• Gabriel had his last track meet and placed second in the 400 meters.
• Emma had a doctors appointment and it was determined she had a sinus infection and a slight case of eczema. 
• Laz was gone for a week on a business trip to the LA area.
• I had two art shows in the last two weeks.
• While at my first art show I suddenly decided to head over to the piercing salon. I got my nose pierced.
  
  
  I just remembered I have an appointment for Troy today I will finish this up laterz.....lol
  
• I'm back!
• Troy had an appointment with an audiologist today. It went very well.
• Oh! I joined a Bible study.........and I rarely go....Boooooooo!
• I sold some artwork and I got a couple commissioned pieces going.
• Tried to get a dog.......LONG story.
• Finished a few pieces,will post them soon.

One more Question

   My husband,God bless him, seems to think that grocery shopping equates to a night out on the town. I am not even joking. Though it may sound like he's being a jerk he honestly is not trying to be. In his mind getting out of the house is "going out." Explaining to him that picking out a turkey is not the same thing as bowling a turkey is getting a bit tedious.  I love him to bits but I think I'm going to have to start taking him grocery shopping with me,LOL! Maybe I should just turn grocery shopping into a sport and then we'll be equal in our assumptions. I could still bowl a turkey down aisle 4 but I'm not sure if Safeway would like that very much. Laz and I could play H.O.R.S.E. with the ice cream and cart. We could have go kart races with the rascals.....

The Secret of Being Me

  Ever get that feeling that there is something wrong with you? Meh',maybe it's just me. I can't tell you how many times I've introduced myself to someone  (around the Albany area) and had them sneer at me. Maybe it's how I was raised but in general I thought you were suppose to be polite to people ,let alone someone that approaches you and says's "Hi,my name is so and so,nice to meet you." I mean, is it really that hard to be polite,takes like 5 seconds to say, "nice to meet you too."

  I've had it happen so many times now that I am beginning to wonder if perhaps I have something wrong with me that my family has kept from me my whole life in order to save my feelings. Could just be paranoia but really? I mean are their really that many rude people in and around Albany? In general the ones I have run into are older adults as well,GAG! You're not teenagers anymore people,time to drop the act!

Maybe I should just make a public announcement about the effectiveness of polite conversation between strangers...........Oh bother..............

The Tail of a Neurotic Cat named Licorice

One of my parents cats,Licorice, patiently waits by the front door of their home everyday. Surely waiting for food or her owners to get home right? No....She's waiting for my Dad to use his lazer pointer. It's gotten to the point that I have caught this poor cat with her nose right in the corner by the door as if she was some kind of German pointer. She was so still she could have been confused for one of those scrubbers that you use to clean your boots off after you come inside from the rain and mud.The worst was when she starting chasing the lazer pointer that wasn't there. Is it possible to drive a cat insane I wonder?

The Novak Boys

I have decided to participate in an event in honor of my children and all those that are affected by autism. This event is a walk-a-thon and it's done through autism speaks which is sponsored by "Toys R' Us" and "Babies R' Us." It's not until August but I am trying to raise money for the cause until then. I have set a goal of 500$.


Here is a link to my boys autism speaks page: http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/portland/brittanynovak


You can donate here and you can also sign up to do a walk in your area if you felt led as well! :)

Should I Stay or Should I go Now

My son Troy came home from school yesterday in what seemed to be a fog. He had a fever and the bus driver said he actually fell asleep at school and slept all the way home (13 miles). When I got him inside he fell back asleep on the couch and didn't move until about 7 in the evening when he got up to run to the bathroom. He almost made it :( He threw up right in front of the toilet,poor kid. He threw up one more time last night and then he was able to keep some children's Advil down. After he took the medicine he seemed to perk up a bit. Even this morning he was back to his normal bubbly self. However at around 12 he used the bathroom and then said "bath please." That's code for "I made a present in the toilet please flush it and give me a bath." He played for a bit and then got out by himself and sat by his brothers while they watched "River Monsters" on TV.  This was while I was making lunch (taco salad). Towards the end of cooking I noticed the house was really quiet. I thought Troy must have fallen asleep on my bed.When I checked he wasn't there so I looked in his room and sure enough he was asleep on his bed or so I thought. I reached over to feel his head (which was fairly warm). Apparently just that gentle touch was enough to wake him or he wasn't totally asleep yet. Anyways he came out from his room and laid on the couch and has been asleep there ever since. This is not like him at all. The last time he had the flu he would throw up and then run around and yell  and bounce on his bed etc. Whatever this is has him knocked down for the count. If it doesn't let up by the evening I'll be taking him to see a doctor or emergency room if it get's any worse. I know it sounds funny but something just doesn't feel right about this. My mommy intuition is tingling so to speak.

Aches and Pains and Exhaustion....OH MY!

  I'm going on a week now of almost no sleep. Every night I've been kept up by this post nasal drip garbage. This morning I was awoken by 4 little monsters...Ok I was tired and my vision was a bit blurry. Turns out it was my kids. Anyhow, my little monsters.....I mean kids woke me at about 6:30.All four of them sounded congested and number's one and two have a fairly bad headache. The decision to keep them home was finalized through a committee meeting between Laz and I all in about 5 seconds. So we are all home today,chillin',watchin' some movies,well atleast the kids are. I on the other hand am going to work out and then take a nap :)

Eyeballing my Food

  Well I fell off the diet roller coaster today but oddly enough I don't feel to bad about it. I fell off yesterday too but not in a big way,I ate a handful of cereal. Today,however, I had a doughnut (CARB CRAVING!). Really, I don't feel to bad about it. Not that I want to repeat it but I know that I can continue on the diet because I don't feel like a complete failure for slipping up once or twice. To tell the truth I started exercising and cut out a lot of carbs long before I started this diet and I keep forgetting to factor that in. Just cutting carbs and quitting soda has got me down two dress sizes alone. So hopefully I won't slip up too much more but overall I feel very confident about this process. I know that it'll be a two steps forward one step back kind of deal so back to moving forward now.

  Random Thought: I read an article yesterday that stated drastic dieting can lead to feelings of anger and even rage. "LIGHT BULB".....Now I get it! I've been a tad snappy lately! :)

How to Kill a Diet

I must admit that I am indeed a fan of criticism IF done in a constructive and graceful manner. HOWEVER.....I am not a fan of constant negative criticism,it get's old real fast. I am also not a fan of being compared to other women,particularly other mothers. The worst of the worst is when these two negatives are combined it makes me want to go a few rounds in the octagon.

 There is a certain someone in my life right now that seems to have a penchant for wanting to hit the mat with an angry mother. They consistently practice negative criticism towards me and most of the time couple that with comparing me to other mothers in our group of friends. Maybe it's hormones or maybe I'm finally coming out of my fog long enough to think straight but whatever it is I am getting beyond annoyed with this individual. In the last couple of days I have been so stressed that I actually spoke.....spoke up that is. A little background: I am the type of person who always keeps my cool,finds it very easy to forgive.Just all around passive I would say. As wonderful as that all sounds I also have a bad habit of just taking whatever comes to me. I am a firm believer that when you have kids you should have your tiffs behind closed doors. But the closed doors thing doesn't happen around here a lot so I get treated like junk( from not just one person in particular but from a couple) then I am left with no way to resolve the issue. Anyways..I digress. I guess that I am finally over the "bottling it up" shenanigans and I am about to blow. I am seriously feeling angry,very angry these last couple of days. I have said things that I wouldn't have normally said.

  I try not to use our children as an excuse but the fact is that three of our kids are disabled,two mildly. That in and of itself makes life quite different than the average family situation. I guess you could say an "interesting family dynamic." I accepted my children's situation in order to move forward and get them help and most of all because I love them. Having multiple kids with autism makes it very hard to parent in what most would call a "normal way." I guess what I am getting at is that my life and the way I work and raise my children is very different because they,my kiddo's, require more work and patience than the average child. Therefore I don't have the time needed to make the everyday things that people take for granted "perfect."

   In the end I feel that certain people forget what my life is or may be like and assume that I am doing everything all wrong because I don't do what every other mother or wife does so they are very critical of me. Frankly I am tired of explaining to these certain few.I am done. I am doing the best I can with what I have and with the blessings I've received. Frankly....my children are not a problem.The problem lies with those that can't seem to wrap their mind around our situation.

I should really take up kick boxing or something..I need to get this out of my system. I am really hoping this feeling blows over,I don't like feeling angry.

AHHHHHHHHHH! Real Housewives!

  I want to rip my hair out,scream,punch an unlucky person in the face and then maybe follow all that up with a cold shower. I have been prepping and painting for about 1.5-2 weeks now. I am finally making some progress today and am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am down to the little details now like molding. The kids have done really well despite the chaos, that is until .....today.

  We moved our big screen into our bedroom and put it up on the wall so that I didn't have to "paint around" it. So our bedroom has been the designated hangout spot for the kids and their games and movies. For those of you that are cringing when you read that last part it's okay I packed all the breakables away. What I was not expecting was half eaten strawberries all over our nice new clean laundry and sheets. Apparently  while I was painting M was stealing "strawbee's" as she call's them, out of the fridge. To top it off I had just gotten Troy ready for school when he decided he wanted to go outside and jump on the trampoline...which is wet. Oh,and the yard is muddy. Needless to say I had to change him really quick then pick up all the strawberries with M's help of course. Then pull out all the clothes that got murdered and wash them right away. To top of this wonderful morning I was able to start putting the furniture back in place in the living room. While I was pulling the cover off the couch I gazed upon some of Troy's artwork in pen and ink nonetheless. It appears to be impressionistic in style.I see some stairs and a pair of large eyeballs. So,we are waiting for Troy's bus now.When he goes to school I have to pull off the couch cushion covers and wash those then I have to shower and get M and I ready to go pick up Grammy and go to the grocery store,home depot and maybe the mall too. Then back home just in time for the boys to get back from school and to make dinner and then paint again until the wee hours of the morning.

  I am so ready for my little project to be done,I am going nuts.

 

RUCHE into Spring

Open publication - Free publishing - More catalog

Belated Updates

 

  It's true I have been somewhat negligent when it has come to updating my blog.Truth be told I have indeed had some extra time to myself lately though I've just wanted to spend it reading. There's not a lot of new things to report. I have been trying to get things together for Troy's SS appointment but have had to reschedule twice now and I am going to have to reschedule again this Monday, I am just not ready.:( I also joined a new Bible Study,we met for the first time last night and I cried in front of everyone while I talked about my children. It was very surreal as I never cry. It's not that I am embarrassed of it, it's just not something I do. I just don't get emotional. So I was a little freaked that I started crying,again very surreal. All in all an awesome group of ladies and looking like a great Bible study. I think we will see a lot of good things come from it!

   The only other thing I can think of is that Gabriel started track this last week. So far he is ok with it but he is having a hard time with separation anxiety. He wants me to follow him around the field while he goes from event to event. Other than that he's making friends and enjoying it all with the exception of the high jump which also happens to be what he's best at,LOL! Silly kid! So other than those things,nothing much new has happened. Just the same ol' routine.

I guess it's Ok

 The issue: Trying to stay in touch with friends on FB and have them repeatedly ignore you. You still love them but at what point do you quit trying?

Do you continue to get ignored or do you delete and move on?

Choc-it

Valentines day has come and gone and the children and I are left in a sugar induced coma like state. I slept some of it off this morning. However the kids get to go to school in a daze maybe even a little confused. :)

 So on to the updates!

  The art show was fun as usual. Although anytime I get to do live demo's I have tons of fun. There were more people there than last year but the only people I knew were my in-laws who came for about 5 minutes. I feel bad because it was out in the boonies so I am sure that's what killed it for most people. Nonetheless,my art guild buddies made for good company and the food and drinks were a bonus as well.

My complaint for the day!

My son Troy cannot do the same things as your child,that is all.

Better Late than Never

  Just thought I'd drop a line and let everyone know about the latest news. I have been very busy and/or sick lately so I haven't taken to writing much in the last couple of weeks but I am on the mend now and have a second to fill you all in.

  Like I said I have been ill for the last couple of weeks. Just really struggling with stomach issues and horrible fatigue. I suspect it may have been mono as that is going around. I am still tired now but I can slowly feel my strength coming back. Other than that I've had a few school meetings this last couple of weeks and another meeting scheduled  in a couple of weeks. Our second son Gabriel has been in trouble off an on this last week and a half for several things. For instance; Getting on the wrong bus and going to the YMCA to hang out with a girl from his class. Last Saturday while my in-laws were watching him he took off on his bike and rode all the way to our house by himself to get something and freaked everyone out,I am not sure if he even had his helmet on.Lastly he got in trouble at school because he was pretending that a bark chip was a sword and he was pretending to have a sword fight with someone. Apparently,according to the principal a little bark chip is seen as a huge threat and Gabe could have had charges brought against him but of course they "let it slide this once."......A bark chip.....bark chip.....Yeah, I'm sorry that just sounds ridiculous. Nonetheless we had a long talk with him.He is grounded from gaming on the computer and the PS3 among other things.

  Let's see what else............One of the meetings was for Paul and it was basically just a review of his progress and prep for  his annual reevaluation. It went very well. The next meeting scheduled is for Gabriel and he we are meeting to get the process going for an IEP. From there than we can have him evaluated for Autism as well,though I already know he falls somewhere on the spectrum.

  I also had an appointment with the SS office this last week to get them all updated on pay-stubs shenanigans. While I was there I set up Troy's first appointment for SSI and that happens next week. Yesterday I got to go to a birthday party with Emma(Papa and Mama watched the boy's) then we went to a Bible study,didn't get home until about 9. Tomorrow and Sunday I have an art show outside of Lebanon at a winery. I am hoping to find a babysitter for both Saturday and Sunday so I can actually get a live demonstration in...fingers crossed and saying a little prayer! :) Then on Monday is Troy boy's 5th birthday but we won't be celebrating it until next weekend.We decided this year that we would keep it simple as to not overwhelm him. Just a small party at our place with family.

OH! Before I forget I have a rather large announcement to make! I have decided to go back to school. Most likely it will not be happening until NEXT Fall.So yeah,a ways away,LOL! Atleast that gives me time to prep the kids and have them all in school when I start. I have decided to go into Mortuary Sciences. I actually met with a friend that owns and runs a local funeral home yesterday. He let me interview him so i could get a more personal perception of the job itself. The schooling will take about one or two more year(s) (than I have already got under my belt) and then I will  apprenticeship for 1-3 three years. Most likely about 2 years.

So that is what's going on and I'll try to post updates about the art show in the evenings!

Another Friday.........

This last week I hit another wall again. I haven't been sleeping and  so once I got the kids off to school I spent a lot of time laying around or playing on the net. Today I am starting to come out of it a bit ,I think because I actually slept a few hours last night.

It seems like every Friday I get a bout of depression when I realize my husband is out hanging out with his friends and I am stuck at home...again. It doesn't really matter I guess though, considering I don't really have any babysitters anymore.Nor do I have any friends I'm super tight with anymore. Today it was a little extra tough considering I actually got some sleep last night and now I have some energy to spare. Bowling,skating,movies all sound fun and I would totally go but...I can't. Usually by Saturday I get over it,LOL, but today FB isn't helping nor is the fact that my hubby is out again on another Friday without me. PITY PARTY central around here,HUH!

AHEM,On to happier topics,like my children.

 Not much to report. Things have pretty much been the same with just a few changes.
Emma- is finally hitting her "terrible two's." She seems to be a bit more "snotty" if you will.More so than the boys anyways. The boys were just defiant with a little attitude.Emma will tell me how she feels,all her emotions on her sleeves,LOL! This last Monday she got her first tricycle and is quite happy to sit and watch Dora on it.She also has been asking to sit on her bike while she eats her dinner but that hasn't flown yet,LOL!

Troy- Has really been struggling with screaming, shrieking this week. He is talking a lot more but most of it is parroting,still just the fact that he is saying anything at all makes me happy. Since I have been on the net a lot this last week I have been able to do a lot of research concerning Troy and I have finally come to the conclusion that I think I know exactly what he has. Hopefully I am wrong but all his symptoms match,I mean ALL of them. I am scheduling him to see his physician this next week to get the medical diagnosis going. Today I got an appointment with the SS department to get him set up with disability.

Gabriel- Gabe has been really good. He struggles in school a bit, mainly with just learning,it's not so much behavioral from what they've told me. Unfortunately I missed another IEP meeting for him and am completely devastated with myself as I went o ALL of Paul's meetings. Hopefully I will figure out soon what his teachers and specialist are thinking and hopefully they will believe me when I say I am sorry,ugghh. Other than all that Gabe has been as lively as ever. Although he does seem to have a penchant for pitting his brothers and sister against one another,LOL.

Paul-Has been doing wonderfully. He has become such a laid back wonderful kid. He still has a few meltdowns here and there but he really is a cool kid. He's really gotten into learning"figurative speech" in the last couple of weeks.This is something that kids on the spectrum don't usually learn on their own and have to be taught. Paul has picked up on it rather quickly. He has a  favorite phrase right now " I'm on the fence about it."

Well, thanks for letting me rant and rave all!

The Dog Days are Over

I'm having a momentary lapse with self pity. Maybe I can chalk it up to hormones but in the last several days I've read well over a dozen Facebook statuses that have read something along the lines of "I had fun last night" or "I'm having a blast." I know I am suppose to feel happy for my family and friends and in general I do. However, in the last couple of days each post just feels like another pin prick or jab. I am stuck at home 99% of the time and feel awful lonely. I know part of it is my fault for not going out and asserting myself. On the other hand I am so tired of trying anything at this point that I guess I've kinda given up and now have hit that hard wall of "Self pity and poor justification." It's a vicious cycle,LOL! I need another outlet/job something to keep me busy and where I can meet new people. Hopefully I can wake up enough to go and find something.

The Battle for Middle Class

                                     The Fellowship of the Remote Control


The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of  Great Cartoons.


                       ..............................................................................................


   It began with the forging of the Great Cartoons many years ago. Three were given to the elderly; immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven, to the Dwarf Lords otherwise known as little kids, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls and destroyers of bedrooms. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of teenagers, who above all else desire power. For within these cartoons was bound the strength and the will to govern over each age group. But they were all of them deceived, for a new cartoon was made. In the land of PBS, in the fires of Mount Netflix, the Dark Lord CEO forged in secret, a master cartoon,Thomas the Tank Engine to control all others. And into this cartoon Thomas, he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all parents. One cartoon to rule them all. One by one, the free peoples of Middle class fell to the power of the Thomas. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of PBS, and on the very slopes of Mount Netflix, they fought for the freedom of Middle-class. Victory was near, but the power of the Thomas could not be undone. It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Brittany, Mother of the king Troy, took up her father's sword. And PBS, enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Class, was defeated. The Thomas passed to Brittany, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the Thomas of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Brittany, to her death or so it seemed. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half seconds, the Thomas passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, the Thomas ensnared another bearer. The Thomas came to the creature Emma, who took it deep into the tunnels under the blanket Mountains, and there it consumed her. The Thomas gave to Emma unnatural long staring episodes. For five hundred seconds it poisoned her mind; and in the gloom of Emma's blanket cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the halls of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Thomas of Power perceived. Its time had now come. It abandoned Emma momentarily. But then something happened that the Thomas did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. A pre-teen, Paul Baggy pants, of the Novak's household. For the time will soon come when pre-teens will shape the fortunes of all... 


                                      


  


  

Sweet Relief

  I couldn't help but think of that "face" when I laid down last night. Luckily there was no fear there but merely questions. "What does it all mean," "who was she", and "how does this apply to me?" That didn't even last long,I mean the inquisitive side of me, because I was fast asleep by eleven. I did dream a bit last night but nothing I can remember. Phewwwwww!

   Back to reality, today was lovely. I spent my morning cleaning 9-12 and then by 12 I sent Troy,the youngest of the boys,off to school on his bus. After word's I got to catch up with a dear friend over Lunch at Applebees then I got a cup of joe at Dutch Bros. After lunch I hung with my friend at home for about an hour, until she had to go home. Now I am on the net checkin' my Facebook and writing my blog, all in peace! Boys get home in about 5-10 minutes then we'll see what happens to the peace after that. :)

After an Evening

  I couldn't sleep last night so I went out onto the couch and dug around in the word a bit. I read in Matthew for about 20 minutes. One verse struck a chord with me. Verse 3:10~

The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

  This reminded me of a dream I had a few years ago where I was walking with Jesus through what looked like a game reserve when we suddenly came to a large grove of trees. I asked him what the trees meant and he said that the fruit on the trees are our children. He then went on to say that the trees are barren,in other words they have no fruit. He said they don't even have a bud nor a single piece of fruit on the ground. Like I said I had this dream awhile ago so I don't remember what all was said but I do remember that the grove was a warning.

  After making this correlation between the verse and my previous dream I felt extremely happy because I had always hoped to make some connections with it but I rarely had time to delve into the word and I opened right up to it last night.

  Well my story doesn't end there. I had a horrible nightmare last night the worst I've had in years. I really feel like it was an attack. I mean, I awoke from it feeling nearly paralyzed. Needless to say I woke from the nightmare at about 4:30 and I prayed until the boys had to get up at 7:30.

                                                        The Nightmare to End all Nightmares

    I was in a church that I didn't recognize but I could draw it for you down to the last detail. I was standing next to my husband,none of our children were there. The seating was like the pews or benches that we have at First. A few spaces beside me was a woman about age 40-45,average build,very blonde hair pulled back in a mess of curls. She wore a rather inappropriate skin tight thigh high pale pink dress that had sequins around the neckline. Beside her was a pre-teen boy who appeared to be her very embarrassed son. He had dark brown hair and was about half of his mothers height. She was in very high heels so I'd say she was a head taller than me (I'm 5'7" so she was about 6'). Next to her was an old family friend and his wife who I won't mention their names.

  We were in teh middle of worship and I noticed the woman next to me was very animated to the point that she was a distraction. She would grab people next her including her son and laugh, screech,hoot,holler and howl while grabbing and shaking. The family friend on the other side of her was politely trying to ask her to quit touching and grabbing those around her. In fact I would say she didn't appear to be worshiping at all. She started to get very wild and I felt like she could hurt someone with her antics,her own child looked frightened. Suddenly (and like I said this was a dream,LOL) the man next to her smacked her on the hip as if trying to spank her and gave her a stern look and then an awkward laugh.

  A man,I would assume the pastor came to the front of the church and announced that we had a guest speaker and asked them to come on forward. It was the crazy lady next to me. I immediately felt ill,something was off something was wrong,really wrong I just felt ill. The woman got up to the microphone and began talking but I couldn't hear anything she said because something started happening that was so out of this world. As she spoke I noticed her teeth began turning black. At first it was as if she just had gunk in between her teeth but then it got darker and darker until all her teeth were black. I turned to Laszlo and frantically said "Laz look at her mouth don't listen to her just look at what is happening to her mouth." Then her eyes began to turn black around the outer edges and around the pupils until it spread to the whole of her eyes. Then it was as if the blackness followed the veins throughout her face until nearly the whole of her face was black and appeared to be made of like a black marble. At that point she quit talking and stared at me.

  I woke up at this point but the face haunted me all night and the ill feeling. I prayed until I felt better and then I prayed some more. Now that I've had some time to calm myself and think a little more clearly I really feel this is an attack on me for taking the initiative to get back into the word,making the connection between the previous verse and an older dream and for signing up for my first Bible study in years.

  What am I going to do now you ask? Keep on reading.

The Bachelor called "Bear"

   I was reminded of a funny story yesterday about my father and several of his buddies and their endevours to save a reformed self proclaimed "bachelor named "Bear."

  For those of you who don't know my father was a wild man. He raced motorcycles (flat track and enduro) and was even ranked. He also raced multiple other things. This is how he met Bear a ZZ top front man look alike who had been radically saved and was crazy about Jesus. I suppose many things changed about Bear when he began a relationship with Jesus one of which was his aversion to settling down and starting a family. This is where the real fun begins.

  Bear had recently gotten engaged (finally!) and all was well until my father received a unusual call from Bear one day. Bear,who was also an avid motorcycle lover had rebuilt a motorcycle....in his living room and then realized it would not fit out his front door...*facepalm*....
He asked my father to come over and help him get their bike out so that his new bride would have room to move in. My dad and another friend,Todd Elkins, went over to Bears place to try and help him out. When they got there they realized there wasn't much else to do but laugh. I am sure Bear appreciated his friends reaction,LOL! After everything settled down then came time to actually figure out how to get this motorcycle out of the old bachelor pad. Did I mention this was not just a motorcycle but a giant chopper...*Even bigger facepalm*......

  Eventually Todd and my dad settled on removing a giant bay window in Bear's living room which actually worked out well except for the fact that Bear lived in a rental home.......I guess the owner was not to thrilled about the window, I'm guessing at this point he didn't realize Bear had rebuilt a chopper in his livingroom. All's well that ends well. Dad ,Todd and Bear were able to remove and replace the window without breaking it and the owner didn't charge anything.

  I believe there is more to this story but I'll have to get it out of my dad. He told it to me awhile ago and I wanted to document it before he went to downhill mentally and before I forgot . When I catch him on one of his good days I'll be sure to get the whole story out of him,LOL!

The Stray that Won't go Away

  What am I doing!!!!

I don't like cats yet here I am feeding a stray. Does this mean I do have a heart after all!??....*GASP*....
Poor thing is skin and bones and comes to my door yowling. It was 25 degrees when the cat first came over. I thought for sure I would have a cat-cicle by morning. However...I left out a box with blankets and it crashed there for the night. It was still there this morning greeting me with a loud yowl.

  While the kids where waiting for their bus's the cat kept pawing at them and rubbing against their legs. Me being a Germaphobe kept asking my boys to come inside and wash their hands( they pet the cat too). So it's very friendly but I refuse to get attached to it.................................I do...................I don't like cats..............................................Awwww shoot!