If Only

  I am having a horrible day...BOO- HISS! I woke up with a horrible tooth ache. TO be clear I do brush 2-3 times a day,2 minutes at a time and I floss and rinse once a day everyday. Now that I have that cleared up I have to admit that I have had horrible teeth since I got my first tooth. For most of my life I've been told by multiple dentist and hygienist that I need to brush more,longer,that I need to floss more regularly etc etc etc. I finally went to a dentist just over three years ago that said let's look into your issues more deeply. They looked for "bugs"...ie; gingivitis etc. and found nothing,no joke. In fact I was told I have very healthy gums. When those came back clear they started to look at my enamel and found that it was not normal. I wasn't insured long enough to get a formal diagnosis but the dentist at the time told me that he strongly believes that for whatever reason my enamel never formed correctly. According to him it started when I was growing in my mothers womb....interesting. I guess that my enamel is very thick in some areas and very thin in others and a few teeth have next to no enamel on them at all.

  My biggest nightmare,quite litterly, my whole life was having all my teeth fall out. I never had much in the way of self esteem issues until I had kids and my tooth decay accelerated something crazy. It's like watching my worst nightmares come to life before my eyes and there is nothing I can do about it. Not to mention when people hear about what is going on with me they automatically ask "Why don't you go get them fixed?" TO which I respond, "If I had 5-10 grand I would go get them fixed." Dentist don't take payments anymore and the insurance in our area has not been the best but I recently found one that may work out. I am so sad today, all I ever wanted was to have a nice smile. I want to be able to actually show teeth in pictures. I want to be able to tell people"sure" when asked to give a big smile for pictures.

  After having children my body changed just like many other women's bodies do. I took the change in stride and rather enjoy where I am at physically. The only thing that has forever bugged me are my teeth. I feel like if I could just have a pretty smile it would change so many things for me,maybe I'm wrong to feel that way but I can't help it.

  All of that aside I now have no insurance though I am now looking into getting some, I have no money till payday and my husband had to use my vehicle for work today. Not to mention I am behind on some artwork. No beuno. Troy has been having meltdown after meltdown for the last two weeks. I am shot, I don't know how much more I can take, seriously........ughhhhh.

Reality's a Wormhole

Struggling today. I have so much to be thankful for but at times I have a hard time fighting off the feeling of loneliness.